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Napoleon Dynamite
(2004)
Dir. Jared Hess
I remember laughing in the theater, but in attempting to recount the highlights of this film on paper, I'm just really annoyed. Napoleon is a complete freak-ma-tron; a Carrot Top-looking (Christ, just typing that is creepy), over dramatic, short-tempered, outcast-for-good-reason- total jackass. At times he’s endearing, and amusing with his quirky fits and renderings straight-out-of-a-D&D-induced-acid-trip, but mostly he’s just an irritating doorway to the other poorly developed characters (sans one) in a film that aspires towards obscurity.
The supporting cast is an amalgam of stereotypes straight out of a high school/ film school 101 handbook. There’s Deb the side pony-tail sporting entrepreneur, making money for college with her in-home glamour shots studio, and by going door-to-door selling handmade woven accessories (ok, so I did kind of like Deb…). Kip, Napoleons 30-something, 110-pound, creepy virgin-esque brother, who defends his hours spent in chat rooms by claiming he’s really in training to become a cage fighter. LaFawnduh, Kip’s ghetto-booty girlfriend, who I really didn’t understand at all, because Kip is either gay or a pedophile, but apparently the director didn’t notice. The dumb-ass friend of Drew Carrey (the one who isn’t clever enough for Whose Line Is It Anyway?) got some work with a cameo as a fanatical Tae Kwon Do instructor. Hillary Duff’s not so cute older sister plays Summer, the blonde cheerleader we all still love to hate. I personally could have done without Napoleon’s Uncle Rico, emotionally trapped in 1984, and the lost glory of the state football championship defeat. In fact he damn near ruined the movie for me entirely. That was, of course, until someone told me that Rico was played by Lazlo Hollyfeld from Real Genius. This is a one-time, get-out-of-jail-free card as far as I'm concerned- don’t fuck it up again Lazlo.
Cue the saving grace, the only real incentive to sit through this flick, two words: Pedro Sanchez, brilliantly portrayed by Efren Ramirez. Napoleon's quiet and sensitive sidekick is worthy of his own spin-off series. Pedro is the total package; he’s got a mustache, a bad ass pair of cowboy boots, a killer bicycle, he takes serious pride in his hair, likes to bake cakes, he’s related to the supporting cast of ‘Mi Vida Loca’ and aspires for a life in politics. Basically he’s a Hoss, a total chick magnet. Mexican Cowboys Rejoice! You now have that pop culture icon you’ve been combing all those creepy bars searching for! And as far as I'm concerned, south of the border caballeros are second in Latino subculture glory only to the Mexi-Morrissey fanatics… Ohhhhhh, Hollywood should put Efren to the test as the lead singer of a Smiths tribute band, and throw in Easi Morales in some sort of a role of reverence… I was going to suggest Benicio Del Toro, but I don’t think Efren, or Morrissey for that matter, are quite ready for that kind of intensity- baby steps. For now, however, Napoleon Mediocre, Pedro Dynamite will have to be enough to hold us over.
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