|
|
Reel Phallic: Bruce Almighty
by Sam Kuhlmann
After writing this I realized that Ace Ventura: Pet Detective was also directed by Tom Shadyac. That’s right, I didn’t do my homework. This kind of shoots my argument to shit. Whoops. Luckily, I can gracefully avoid any problems by asserting that Shadyac’s ouevre must be divided into two sections. Liar Liar announces a new age for Shadyac and introduces his morally simplistic movie world. Whew, that was close.
Jim Carrey used to fight crime. Remember when he found the missing Miami Dolphin’s mascot AND saved future hall of fame quarterback, Dan Marino, from crazies, all in 80 minutes? I do. Jim Carrey doesn’t fight crime any longer. When he isn’t trying to win Oscars, he is helping 14 year old boys become responsible men. Starting with Liar Liar (1997), the films of Jim Carrey have mostly been morality tales that impart the importance of becoming a respectable member of society. Once Carrey emerged glorious and naked from the rectum of a mechanical rhinoceros; now he feebly uses his comedic powers to peek up girls’ skirts. His characters can’t transcend the terrible plots, and they ultimately receive their comeuppance, which effectively castrates Carrey of his comedic ponies. Do you hear the collective sigh of suburban parents everywhere?
Tom Shadyac, the director of Liar Liar and the upcoming Carrey disaster, Bruce Almighty (2003), has helped to tame the maniac and make him presentable and lovable to 40-year-old ladies and their teddy bear collections. There was a time in the early to mid-nineties when a Jim Carrey picture was a peek into the mind of some fucked up, anti-social, rubber faced acid freak. I haven’t seen Bruce Almighty, but the preview makes me want to quit dreaming, love my job, give back to my community, tell girls the truth, get married and suck the chrome off of a tail-hitch while getting sodomized by Pat Robertson. The preview of Bruce Almighty, which I have seen six or seven times now, tells us everything we need to know about the pile that this movie will be and also serves as a good analogy for the downfall of Carrey’s funny.
The preview begins with our hero snoring. His alarm buzzes, and he struggles to wake up. His childish writhing on the bed is a good example of the physical comedy that made JC famous. This is the stuff that we crave as an audience. Remember when he beat himself up in Liar Liar? If left alone, JC will delight, despite the plot. However, Shadyac shows that he will quickly put an end to these antics. He has Carrey’s onscreen wife, Jennifer Aniston, rip the covers from the bed, effectively forcing JC to wake up into the morally simplistic Shadyac movie reality. This construct, also seen in Liar Liar, makes it impossible for Carrey’s signature comedy to occur naturally.
Shadyac’s little world is a nice one to inhabit, full of the good (sugar sweet and beautiful women folk) and only a hint of the bad (Mexican’s and moral responsibility). Obviously a sadist, Shadyac is going to throw as much of the bad at Carrey as possible. You audience members who enjoy seeing Carrey scrap against these unfair assaults are also sadists, but even worse than Shadyac, because you are only voyeurs or passive sadists, you wussies. Shadyac’s overt sadism is evident in Liar Liar when he strips Carrey of his ability to lie. In a sense acting is a form of lying, and by disabling JC’s capacity to do this, Shadyac is able to mold Carrey’s performance and submit it to his plot and morality. Shadyac forces Carrey to conform into a loving, humorless, castrated husband/father.
The Bruce Almighty preview indicates that Shadyac has constructed an even more heinous torture chamber in which he will spank Carrey into submission. After forcing JC to wake up and face the Shadyac movie reality, the assault on comedy begins. First, JC is frustrated by a dog that doesn’t listen to commands; then he is humiliated at work; then he is beaten up my Mexicans; then he is beaten up by children (I think one or two are Mexicans), and, finally, he steps in a puddle. Shadyac has really pushed Carrey to his breaking point now, and JC lashes out with a tirade against God. I’m certain that Shadyac, being a director, considers himself the God of his movie world. His onscreen stand in for the role of God is Morgan Freeman. Lord Freeman (fresh off some kidnapping case) visits JC and bestows upon him his powers for one day.
Wow, it seems like maybe Shadyac has had a change of heart. Is he going to alleviate the suffering that his character is enduring this easily? It doesn’t add up, he made JC give up humor in Liar Liar, just to have a happy family life. Even the “Bible God” made the “Bible JC” hang on a cross and bleed a bunch before he could get into heaven. Do you suppose playing “the claw” with your son for eternity is really heaven? It would be fun for a while, but your hand is going to get tired just as your wife will get fat and wrinkled.
The rest of the preview indicates that Shadyac isn’t quite handing Carrey the key to the kingdom. In actuality, he is just teasing JC so that he can display his ultimate control over the Bruce Almighty world. The powers that God bestows upon JC are merely tricks, quite literally, special effects. We see Carrey move a sugar jar (David Blain, anyone?), blow the top off of a fire hydrant, walk on water and part a traffic jam. These are all useful and neat tricks, but they will not allow for Carrey’s character to attain true peace. If Shadyac had actually given Carrey his powers, he could have altered the 1950’s morality of the Shadyac happy family world and broken free from the plot, delighting all with pure Carrey insanity. He could have talked with his ass and allowed parrots to watch him violently fuck David Arquette’s wife like an animal because she short changed him on Coca-Cola.
Alas, I haven’t see the movie yet, but I’m sure Shadyac will display his ultimate powers and render JC unhappy again. The final moment of the preview shows Jennifer Aniston discovering evidence of JC’s new powers, and I’m sure a sticky conversation will ensue. JC will realize that it isn’t so easy being God; you have to help people and shit like that. “Wake up and stop dreaming, stop striving for something different and accept mediocrity,” is what Shadyac commands. JC will relinquish his powers and slide comfortably into the missionary position with Aniston, realizing the only way to be happy in a Tom Shadyac movie is to give into a moral universe that is simpler than that of Sesame Street and has less to do with real life than Snuffelupagus.
Bruce Almighty will be God awful. Zing!
|
Early Days contents |
|
|
